of doodles and dorkiness

It’s long overdue, but I’m happy to announce the brand new Calobee Doodles Web site!

It’s a showcase of my doodles, as well as an archive of past custom orders. I needed a separate place to show off my illustrations, because let’s face it–my photographs and doodles are two very different beasts and at times it feels as if I’m catering to different audiences.

Besides, I’ve been looking for an excuse to geek around, and what better way than to build a new Web site? This one was particularly fun because I got to be a bit more playful with the layout. At some point in the near future I hope to redesign sixhours.net as well…  it’s been over a year (where does the time go?). As if I don’t do enough of this stuff at my day job… I’m practically dreaming in PHP and CSS these days.

Speaking of which, I’ll tell you a story. You know how I posted earlier about Elspeth and how she’s typically a great sleeper, right? Well, I totally jinxed myself with that post, because suddenly the little bean is waking up in the middle of the night to eat–after almost eight weeks of sleeping through without so much as a peep. Apparently someone’s going through a growth spurt.

Anyway, at 3 a.m. last Saturday, my sleep-deprived brain had the craziest thought:

I bet I could write a PHP function to illustrate Ellie’s sleep habits.*

Yes, I actually thought, “I could probably program my daughter in PHP.” That’s how bad it is, people. I’m now applying computer coding principles to completely organic situations… I think it’s time to step away from the computer and get some sun.

What is this “sun” you speak of? Never mind, I’ll just Google it.

* What would that function look like, anyway? I’m so glad you asked…

function sleep_baby_sleep($baby, $the_fussy)
{

if ($baby == $the_fussy)
{

if (apply_binky($baby))

$baby = “This isn’t food. Where’s my damn food? Scream!”;

else if (apply_bottle($baby))

$baby = “This is food. Yum. But now I’m gassy. Scream!”;

else if (apply_gas_drops($baby))

$baby = ” I feel better. But now I’m WIDE AWAKE. What’re you gonna do about it, punk?”;

else if (apply_snuggles($baby))
{

$baby = “So… sleepy… must… fight… urge… to… zzzzzzz”;

if (put_in_crib($baby))

$baby = “Hey, wait! I’m still awake! You can’t put me in my crib! Scream!”;

else (three_hours_later($baby))

$baby = “Ok, fine, I’ll sleep. But I’m totally waking you up in two hours.”;

}

else if (is_asleep($baby))

$mommy = “*twitch twitch*”;

}